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5 days left until my life in university begins.
I'm both scared and existed.
New life, new people, new experience.
The only scary part about it is if I will even continue what I'm studying after a year or two.
The scary part is that it may not even be my calling, perhaps I'm meant to do something else in my life instead of fighting crime and giving them justice.
Do you know how everyone says ''I don't know who I want to be when I grow up?''
Well that question never came to me.
Ever.
In fact, I want to be so many things.
The past 5 years I was dreaming to become an actress, live in a world outside reality, see myself on screen in different environments and meet different people with the same interest in life yet different outcomes of it.
I wanted to be a writer, to pull all my different worlds I have created in my head and put them on a sheet of paper, on thousands, sheets of paper and form a small paperback novel.
Once as a kid, I wanted to be an animal protector, or a veterinarian save the nearly extinct species and rescue beloved family pets.
Sometimes even a singer. To write my own lyrics that are a piece of my heart, soul and mind.
A digital creator. Designer. Creatures, characters for games, stories for games. A whole game.
I can't shake of my love for drawing, something I burn for, all my stories, my sketchbooks, still on my table.
Sometimes I fear that when times like this come, you have to put aside everything you love and focus on this one thing that may, or may not be your future.
Now my sheets of paper are sitting still. Blank, without any grey strokes.
Even though I try.
I never wanted to grow up, I wanted to be a kid that can sit alone in the room, play video games listen to music, draw and have a bunch of pets in my lap to keep me company.
But everyone in life is going to be sitting down rock bottom with no idea how to climb up and think that there is absolutely no point in life, it's just doing the same thing over and over again.
It's a loop that repeats itself your whole life.
I hope I won't be ending up in that loop.
And for that to not happen, my paper sheets are still going to be on my table.
So will my pencils.
My eraser.
My mp3 player for music.
My computer for games.
My drawing tablet for digital art.
My notes for my stories.
My characters.
For some people, what I hold dear may be one of those things that will ''never lead me far''.
But what I've learned in my 20 years, is to never let anyone tell you what can lead you far and what can't.
Because these things define who I am.
I'm an artist, I see things differently than everyone else.
And just because I'm going to study to become a lawyer, doesn't mean that is going to go away.
I'm just going to have my sketchbook and pen, near the book of Law.
No matter where you go, don't forget the things that matter to you.
The things that define YOU.
I'm both scared and existed.
New life, new people, new experience.
The only scary part about it is if I will even continue what I'm studying after a year or two.
The scary part is that it may not even be my calling, perhaps I'm meant to do something else in my life instead of fighting crime and giving them justice.
Do you know how everyone says ''I don't know who I want to be when I grow up?''
Well that question never came to me.
Ever.
In fact, I want to be so many things.
The past 5 years I was dreaming to become an actress, live in a world outside reality, see myself on screen in different environments and meet different people with the same interest in life yet different outcomes of it.
I wanted to be a writer, to pull all my different worlds I have created in my head and put them on a sheet of paper, on thousands, sheets of paper and form a small paperback novel.
Once as a kid, I wanted to be an animal protector, or a veterinarian save the nearly extinct species and rescue beloved family pets.
Sometimes even a singer. To write my own lyrics that are a piece of my heart, soul and mind.
A digital creator. Designer. Creatures, characters for games, stories for games. A whole game.
I can't shake of my love for drawing, something I burn for, all my stories, my sketchbooks, still on my table.
Sometimes I fear that when times like this come, you have to put aside everything you love and focus on this one thing that may, or may not be your future.
Now my sheets of paper are sitting still. Blank, without any grey strokes.
Even though I try.
I never wanted to grow up, I wanted to be a kid that can sit alone in the room, play video games listen to music, draw and have a bunch of pets in my lap to keep me company.
But everyone in life is going to be sitting down rock bottom with no idea how to climb up and think that there is absolutely no point in life, it's just doing the same thing over and over again.
It's a loop that repeats itself your whole life.
I hope I won't be ending up in that loop.
And for that to not happen, my paper sheets are still going to be on my table.
So will my pencils.
My eraser.
My mp3 player for music.
My computer for games.
My drawing tablet for digital art.
My notes for my stories.
My characters.
For some people, what I hold dear may be one of those things that will ''never lead me far''.
But what I've learned in my 20 years, is to never let anyone tell you what can lead you far and what can't.
Because these things define who I am.
I'm an artist, I see things differently than everyone else.
And just because I'm going to study to become a lawyer, doesn't mean that is going to go away.
I'm just going to have my sketchbook and pen, near the book of Law.
No matter where you go, don't forget the things that matter to you.
The things that define YOU.
