What a week it has been!

My week was pertty much AWESOME.

I wasn't active for a long time now but the reason for it is simple: SCHOOL.
Yush. I was so worked up I couldn't barely even eat properly but last week I managed to put myself back on that crazy ass horse. Last week I studied super freaking hard for my japanese test since GOD DAMN IT it's the only lesson I don't feel like failing! Last saturday I studied for 5 hours and I thought my head was about to EXPLOSE. But heck, it was worth it, I GOT AN A! I was so freaking happy I was jumping around like crazy in class. It was a talking test in japanese which I was suppose to write myself and it should have been freakin correct. Everything. I only mistaked at pronouncing one word but it wasn't enough of a fail to lower me to a B. The teacher had a hard time choosing if I should get a B or an A. I was sitting quiet as a little mouse and BAM she was like ''you deserve an A'' I was like ''YES!'' In my head yet irl I stood up, bowed and thanked her in japanese. Then I ran and jumped on my friend out of happiness xD WOAHAAH! Freaking KAKKOI!! :3

 

  Next, I got to see an awesome movie with awesome friends. Divergent. The movie wasn't bad at all, it had a pretty clear story and it was a little bit like The Hunger Games but it has it's own ways. It was pretty good. At the end of the movie we decided to throw popcorn at eachother. It was fun. Why was it fun? I was the thower not the throwee. xD

 

Rah your face is priceless!  

BUDDIES! <33 And me. Right there all fluffeh 

I went back to drawing as all of you may know and I decided to learn a thing or a few about drawing effects! I also decided to film some of my progress while drawing! Visit my youtube channel and see me speed painting :3
 Water Speed Paint

I am going to do a big project later by making a shimeji of my characters! YAY! It's gonna be a heck of work but I'll manage to complete it when I'll be a bit more free since yes, I STILL have a lot of school and there is going to be a lot of studying on Easter due to me having another japanese test which I want to pass with a good grade >.<

 

Just randomness of me and ICE CREAM! <3

Another awesome thing I've been doing is...
PLAYING PIANO.
Yes. I went back to it.
And today I've been learning a new track !
Anyone play assassin's creed 3 and run away from those nasty guards?
AC3 - Trouble In Town

This is the theme I am learning right now. The speed on it is sick and my fingers hurt, they will start bleeding but heck it's worth it! After I learned this one properly I will learn the main theme of AC3 :3 It's gonna be awesome!

Unlucky week

Well.
I had pretty much a VERY unlucky week today. Shit was out and my appetite is poof. Because of the late nights in school I forgot to take my medicine for a WHOLE week and now in the end I get to feel the loss of my appetite. Even though the food looks freakin delish, I can't eat it. I weight myself yesterday when I got home and from 57.4 kg I now weigh 56.2. From NOT actually eating. I had a huge craving for chocolate all the time and I lived with candy for the rest of the week. Today I forgot my meds.. AGAIN. Yesterday I had a pretty ruff day of bad luck. I slipped 3 times. One of them was in the middle of an acting scene xD I started nose bleeding for NO reason at all and I forgot to take my sleeping/relaxation/calming stress pills to be able to fall asleep. So basically I had a very hard time sleeping and had nightmares.
Yesterday some more shit happened and because of that I had to go home directly after my last lesson and skipped the first graders first ever performance in my school. I feel a bit bad since I really wanted to see it, but I honestly didn't feel like being around people. Although even though I had a bit of an unlucky week I still had my GAFFEL <33 to cheer me up. You're the best girl :3 <33

I sat down and listened to Blue Stahli ALL day. I can't stop listening to them they are just freaking awesome. I love the band it's all like sdfghjkl and someone made a 37 minute gaming mix so I was just kicking ass while playing video games!! I want to go back playing MMORPG games but my internet sucks so much I want to punch a wall.


Today I didn't have a freakin lesson in the morning and I didn't have any lesson after that so I start at 13 -.- and then I will have to sit and wait for my theater until 19. YAY xD I have to install some games into my computer that don't require internet to be able to play something >.<

Here! Listen to this:  BLUE STAHLI

This song is AWESOME <3

Also this song: Blue Stahli - Metamorphosis  It's a very beautiful song and just LOVE IT. To me it's a bit relaxing. I listened a lot to this song yesterday since I had a tiny break down but now I'm back on my feet again! Period -.- doesn't help man xD nope xD I'll start taking my meds again. Since apperantly my body needs em or I'm gonna die xD

WELP. English time soon! Then.. The ''I have nothing to do from 15.30 to 19.30'' moment. Last day in theater. MEH. Even though it was boring to wait I still had freakin FUN! <3333

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!

Well. 2014 is here. I really don't have any words to be said, exept that maybe I really hope that this year will be better and a more successful year.
What am I hoping for this year and what I'm thinking of doing this year is mostly something I always wanted to do and that is, to write a novel! I had so many ideas for all kinds of different books, but I never got the chance to really sit down infront of it, fight with my thoughts and put the images I see in words. Not this time. I've already decided that I am going to start with a certain novel that is in my head and to really focus on in whenever I have free time.
''The boy that was raised with a gun'' is the name of the novel. It's about a young boy who was caught by some bank robbers and they didn't have any intentions of keeping him hostage, or letting him go. They adopted him, so to say, but none of the robbers were called ''father'' in the story. Mainly it's a story about a young boy that was raised by robbers and tought on how to hold a gun and shoot.Basically a story behind the criminals lives. What we know about them is only after they have done something like, robb a bank or kill someone, but we don't really know how they really live. This story, will indtroduce us to them. :3
I am not saying I know anything about them in the actual word but I've done my research with real actual criminal stories I've read. :3 and some of my own fantasiesed stuff xD

Wow.. It's already 2014. Seems like only last week it was 2007! Unbelievable.. I'll be maybe posting a bit about my progress of the book here I haven't decided yet. The only thing I'm doing now is studying for my test I'll be doing the minute I come back to school and getting ready to meet my friends tomorrow :3

SPEAKING OF WHICH. I'm thinking of thanking these little fellas I've met from 2012-2013 that made my life a lot easier and way more fun!

Order does not matter and I will not be calling them by their real names :3 but I know they'll recognize eachother by their nicknames xD

Rabbit <3

No matter how clean you'll be in your head, I'm always there to make the mess. Thank you for always being so dear to me and almost never denying my ideas :3 which I kindly ask you to stop because I don't want you to do stuff that will make me feel good while you feel miserable -.- you're sweet and kind and I love your chipmunk laugh! You're so tiny and quite, like a little fairy bringing good. You're like an angel send from who the hell knows where, sat on my shoulder and tells me to do good deeds. You help me choose the right decisions even though sometimes I deny them but deep down I know you're right. You're never afraid to tell the truth whenever I ask for it. You never left my side and try to understand my jokes. I'm happy you're around and I hope you'll always be <3

Cocoa <3

Now this guy, pure awesomness. I love shopping with you, ya know that, hopefully in 2014 we'll get to do that more. I love it how you know me without me trying to explain. You're always around and make me feel better, give me warm hugs and YOU KNOW I LOVE YOUR HUGS RIGHT?! You're a funny guy, usually annoying, in a good way, and I like spending time with you and I feel great when you can open up to myself. I know I made my mistakes with you but I'm happy that you can alwayd forgive me from my stupidness and stick by my side, you crazy arse wolf.. :3 <3 I'm happy I met you :3 weirdo <3

Flow/Merida/Emz

Yes. I had to call you Emz oke? I promised! XD I called you Flow now, since of your adorable curly/wavy hair! And, you know Merida comes in.. because of your hair! You're a brave little lady <3 and I love you. I wish I wasn't that careful of what I say around you, since for me you feel very delicate and I'm afraid to say something that would drive you away. Thank you for always being there for me whenever I cried. Thank you for always caring so much for me, asking me if I was okay the second my eyes looked down, even thought half of the times I was just tired xD I love your smile <3 really <3 I love it that you know what to say to make me feel better. I love it that you're the reason my pain is going away, just for you being there besides me! I really hope that someday I can be besides you, and repeat the words you once said to my heart, that slowly healed it <3

Gaffel! <3

(It means fork in swedish)

You. Are. Awesome. You are someone I never get tired of and whenever I'm in the gaming mood, I always wait for you to come to school and then... Table.. Cards.. YES! I have so much fun with you and I just love the connection we have. We mainly talk swedish, which is hard for me, ya know that xD and I keep trying to push myself forward to get to know you even better. I love your jokes, I swear of god they are just hilarious! I love it how you are proof of my ''mind reading''. The connection is overwhelming! xD You are beautiful and strong and just a pure heart of gold! <3

Miss Karate <3

I don't have a perticullar nickname for you, still need to come up with one, so I'm going with Miss Karate for now xD
I don't know you that well, but I know you are someone I can talk to. You're a fun person, a very gentle person, and I love your jokes. You always make me laugh no matter what, and in school your presentations are really interesting and funny. I love it how you are interested in stuff that mostly women aren't. Karate, Army, Scout leader? These things are just amazing and make you a very interesting person. I'll never forget those days when we both found out we went to the Military Weekend. I was relieved I wasn't going there alone! Sometimes we play cards, which I find really fun! <3 I hope that in 2014 we will get closer to eachother and find out things that we have in common! ^^

Mr. Salmon <3

You probably didn't think you'll appear here now did ye? :DD
You're just awesome.. Mainly I have to admit I am scared of you a bit, and you probably know the reason, if not, think about it, what am I really scared of, mostly is the second reason of loosing my confidence? :3
You're a nice person and you're not afraid to say what you think. We had our differences, which I can say that I won't forget, but you showed me that people can change, and to tell you the truth, giving you a chance was worth it. Because of that, I now have two amazing friends. I probably annoy you with my problems, it's just that you are someone I can trust. A lot. Even thought it might not seem like it, but I would do anything for you. Despite the past, I never thought I could have hurted you because of the past I kept thinking you were a cold hearted jerk and for that I do must apologize. I love it that you didn't give up to win our friendship, even though it's not going to be the same, it's still actually.. better. You help me build up my confidence and tell me to never give up from someone like you I never thought to get good advice. You always confuse me, making me forget the things that happened. I love you :3 you're someone I can always look up to. Also, gaming buddy <3 I hope you'll come back soon!

Fries <3

You're someone special, ya know that? I'm happy I learned how to accept you and I'm happy that even though through so much pain I've met someone who is so nice like you :3 you're someone I can talk to about anything and always can tell out my feelings without you judging them. You are beautiful to me :3 you're someone I feel confertable around EVEN though you have that ONE habit I don't like, and you know that, and ALWAYS ask me if it's okay for you to let that habit out and take a few steps away. I find it very respectful <3 This year, I am hoping to be able to spend more time with you! I have a chance now! Hey.. I'm 18! xD I love it that someone you can go crazy with me <3 and that we ALWAYS talk stuff that sometimes we both don't understand what we are talking about, but we don't drop the subject because it's just too damn silly and fun! And that you accepted the name Mr. Kitty to your cat xD just awesome xD I just want you to know that even though if I practically never talked swedish with you, that doesn't mean I don't understand it :3 if you don't feel like talking english with me, you can always talk swedish with me! I'll just answer in english and who knows, maybe I'll get the confidence to start talking swedish! ^^ you're beautiful.. No matter how you look, no matter what you've done.. You're beautiful! :3 And I love you...! ALSO. My gaming buddy xD

Soulmate <3

Yes. You. The bastard that I adore so much. Talking to eachother 24/7 nothing but nonsense yet the importance of it is beyond others understanding. You're someone I really care about. You're special and I keep you close to me no matter what. Just like you always said, I love it that you can understand my jokes, that whenever we play Tera, Minecraft or just randomly skype time goes by like seconds. You've heard things from me that noone else ever had, and I love the fact that you never see me less of it. You're learning lithuanian! YAY! That makes me happy! :3 you make me laugh and smile no matter what. I love it how we have so many things in common! And we both shuffle! Love hardstyle and SDFGHJKL I can't even find the right words for you but.. YOU kartais svajoji apie suri xD I love the fact that I can always ask you question about your past and your feelings and so on. Thanks for being around me and even if you think you don't actually help, you do! Thank you for making my heart heal and making me forget the past and moving on. You're someone special. Really :3 <3 Love ye :3 <3

You...

There is also one person I want to thank. This person won't read it anyway so it doesn't really matter what I'll say. If you think I go a day without thinking of you then you are wrong. I still do. I guess. I miss the times we had. You were a fun person, but now that you've changed.. I just hope that you still won't have that look at me whenever you see me walking by, passing through. You can pretend that I am just a stranger to you but I won't. We had a history. We spended time together closer than with anyone I know. It's just too sad that because of my stupidness I managed to mess it all up. I miss you. I guess that's all I have to say.


BUT ANYWAY! I love my friends <3 I adore them and they are so different and yet still so special to me in an equal way <3 I never knew what real friendship was until I met these little lights in my life. You're the best and I hope that we will always stick together! <3

BIRTHDAY! YAY! + Thanksgiving

Yes. I am 18! Weeehee! My birthday was on December 4th, but I haven't written anything about it on my blog. Infact, I haven't written anything here for a while xD I thought I should now!
I actually thought that when I'll be 18 years old, it's gonna be like ''WOAH YE I'M 18! I CAN BREAK RULES AND STUFF!''
Nope. I was wrong. Turning 18, isn't that big of a deal. It's a big thing, but it's not the way anyone expects it to be.
One December 7th I had a party with my friends! I had a blast! I was pretty happy that all my friends could be there! My mom did an AMAZING decoration on the table, and my aunt did and extremelly BEAUTIFUL cake! It was also.. Very delicious! <3

 My aunt made this cake! She's amazing at it I LOVE THIS CAKE SO MUCH! <3

My moms beauty art <3 she did ALL this

  My kitteh doing tricks!! <3

 People watching my kitteh doing tricks!

Another thing happened this last weekend was. THANKSGIVING!
Yes, I have celebrated my first thanksgiving with my best gurl <3
She took me to her place and we ate turkey! It was my first time eating turkey and it was GOOD!
I got a bit closer to my friends brother and we played video games all day with his friend.
It. Was. FUN!
After 5 years I finally got to play dead or alive 5 and I convinced my mom to buy me an Xbox and the game.
WEHE!
I don't have any pics. (YET!??)
So I can't really show anything xD
But I do have a pic on my phone how we played the game, hopefully I'll upload it xD
That was all! SEE YA! <3

What's friendship?

This is something that was always on my mind.
What is friendship? Is it something you need? Deserve? Earn? I never realized what was true friendship when I came here to Midgård school, gymnasium. I was always pushed around and was the weirdest girl in class only because I liked these, unusual things in life. Sometimes I sit down and wonder what friendship is and if it even is worth of having.
I was always afraid to have any friends, because I knew that one day they will leave, or we will just grow apart. It was my biggest fear and yet my biggest destruction. I usually bought my own happiness with toys when I was a girl, right now with clothes and fashion but it's so.. Not real. I never wanted to have friendship with people because I get too much addicted to a person. I walk around them like a puppy the same day when I meet them to be accepted but.. It's not that what I expected.
Friendship has this thing called, love and care.. Honesty, trust, things that I am just not good at. I can't learn what friendship is in an instant, it takes time, but.. The fact that I am not a 100% sure of what friendship is, I make a lot of mistakes and because of that, I lose friends. Then it's little old me sitting and crying.
When you break a toy, you can fix it with glue, or just buy a new one. When you break a friendship, you can never fix it.
I recently lost 3 of my very dearest friends due to my selfishness.. And because of that, I feel bad. Mainly it's my fault, but I can't take the blame all for myself. ''To not be selfish, I have to share''.
I had a lot to think about these past 3 days, asked advice for people on what to do, practiced controlling my anger and obssesion with my past. Sometimes when something happens to a person in the past it keeps coming back everyday and it's hard to maintain a good friendship when you see your friends as those bullies that always picked around and pushed you away from things. Being picked last in gym, spat at, called weird, always sat alone in the corner and never having a partner for a project. It was quite surprising actually on how fast this progress went. I got hobbies to get occupied and people who talk to me about random happy things and not once get me think about my past or anger me. I got some help from a professional who has a lot of experiance with these kinds, read a lot of articals on how to control my anger and not let bad things come in my head, how to stay positive and to release my problems out of my soul without needing to have someone around me to listen.
Of course things can't be finished so fast. It will take a lot of time and effort.
But I won't want to hurt my friends anymore.. Even though if my life sometimes goes upside down. I need to stay strong. I am strong. That's what everyone says to me, that I am holding on. It's good to have friends who never leave my side, but I don't want to take the risk of loosing them. They are my happiness and it is unacceptable for them to leave.
I've been always googling and searching for definitions of what friendship was.
But I know what it is now.
The first one of what it is, isn't trust, love, care or honesty.
It's work and time.
It takes time to build up a friendship and really hard work. A ''sorry'' can never fix a broken friendship.
I know that if I want to have those people I lost a ''sorry'' won't work. To say I'm sorry? Everyone can do that.
But to show it?
That's the trickiest part.
I am not going to message, call, ask others to help out. I'm going to march right by their door. Kick it down and tell 'em. ''If we ever want this to work, we gotta try to make this work''
That's what I'm going to do. People shouldn't just give up on one another because of mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, if nobody had, nobody would have learn the lesson.
In friendship there is such a thing as pain. Everyone will hurt you, even your best friends in the whole world, but you just gotta find someone worth suffering for.
Best friends do leave, but they always come back.
They will come back..
If you won't let them go.

Well, you're my diamond. <3